For Richer, For Poorer...

I should have listened to my father. He wanted me to marry a rich doctor or lawyer. He even asked Hubby when he first met him, " Son, are you a doctor or a lawyer?" And of course Hubby answered, "No sir." Then my dad said, " Well, then what are you doing with my daughter?" He might as well have been standing there with his shotgun in his hand! But Hubby wasn't too intimidated. He has a way with people and he was able to comfort my dad some. At least my dad knew we loved each other. Of course he still doesn't think Hubby is good enough for me and he makes comments on a regular basis that Hubby should get a better job.

So, I made the mistake of marrying for love and not money. Somehow it seemed so logical in the beginning. We were madly in love with each other and we were happy with what little we had. But times change and people change. And unfortunately love doesn't seem enough anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I am not some shopaholic who has to shop and buy needless things to make me feel better. Actually I am the complete opposite. I feel guilty if I buy myself anything! I mean anything! I haven't had my hair cut in like 6 months or more. I feel guilty spending that kind of money. And my haircuts only cost like $40. I just want to be able to pay the basic bills on a monthly basis and buy food when we need it and pay the mortgage and not have to stress out about it. And I stress out about it big time! Hubby tells me not to worry, it will all work out, it always does. Whatever! Someone has to worry about this kind of stuff. I mean he will buy a "man-toy" in a minute. He has bought $200 remote control cars, guitars, expensive cameras, guns, and most recently a $6000 4-wheeler!

I don't have a problem with buying things when you can afford them. But when you have $.08 (yes, that is eight cents) in your savings account, you don't have the money to buy needless things. But that is how he was brought up. He got whatever he wanted. And his parents are the same way. They have NO retirement money set aside. But they have a place at the beach and 2 really nice SUV cars, they go on vacation all the time, they buy whatever they want, whenever they want and live for today. I just wasn't brought up that way. I don't have anything against living in the moment, but you have to think about tomorrow too!

I want back down!

So, I have been having issues over the past few days and really need a mental health day! I am sick of work, Hubby is pissing me off, poor Chip and Dale are doing nothing but getting on my nerves, I am preparing to go on a "vacation" that I am really not looking forward to, and I find out this morning my sister is going back to her abusive husband again!

Trust me, I know my problems are crap compared to others. There are people dealing with sick children or sick spouses or sick loved ones. Or have just lost one of those loved ones. Or they are unemployed and can't find a job. Or they are homeless and starving. Or...I could go on and on.

I know that I am being selfish! I know that my life is wonderful compared to others. I know that I am lucky to be healthy and have a healthy family. And I am lucky to have a good job and a nice house and a car to drive. And I am lucky to have nice things.

But sometimes I just want to run away. I wonder what it would be like to be on my own, with no one else to worry about. Not to have any one depend on me for anything. To be responsible for me only. But that is not my life. I have a house to run. I have two kids to take care of. I have a husband who might as well be my third child. I have a job that demands a lot of my time and energy.

I really am thankful for all that I have. I am strong and resilient and I will get through this. In a couple of days I will forget I was ever feeling this way. I just need to blow off some steam and have a few drinks and maybe a night out.